AD Quality Auto 360p 720p 1080p Top articles1/5READ MOREWhicker: Clemson demonstrates that it’s tough to knock out the champAnd you wanted a parade because you ate lunch at your desk while waiting for a fax to come in. The bar has been raised. It’s fashionable these days to describe oneself as a “recovering Catholic.” I’m not that guy. I’m proud to be Catholic even if I’m not particularly good at it. I’m the product of a Catholic education; K though BA, Sisters of Mercy, Marist Brothers, Holy Cross Fathers. I served as an altar boy. I respect the teachings of the church, even the teachings I ignore. I wasn’t molested. A priest never even asked me out. But Mahony’s story just doesn’t make sense. We have been told Mahony was hospitalized after he was attacked. It took weeks for him to recover, so the story goes. If this is true, it’s a terrible thing. What’s even more terrible is having to use the phrase, “if this is true.” I want to believe the cardinal, but Mahony is not just any cardinal – he’s Don Corleone Mahony, Phony Baloney Mahony, Roger the truth-dodger. He’s the Holy Man with a P.R. firm. He’s lawyered up and has pervert insurance. So what if he has to write a check for $660 million? So what if he has to evict some nuns in Santa Barbara? Or sell off Daniel Murphy High School? The important thing is, he didn’t have to put his hand on a Bible and swear to tell the truth in a court of law. The last thing this Holy Man wants to do is put his hand on a Bible. We weren’t supposed to know any of this. News of the attack on Mahony was supposed to be kept confidential among an audience of priests whom the cardinal pledged to secrecy. Of course with Mahony, we’re not supposed to know much of anything. President Bush should put Cardinal Mahony in charge of Los Alamos; our nuclear secrets would be safe forever. Did you hear the one about the archbishop who went to mail some letters? It goes something like this: Cardinal Roger Mahony, the head of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, the nation’s largest Catholic community, goes out to mail some letters in late July and gets roughed up by someone enraged about his handling of the pedophile-priest scandal. According to Father Joseph Shea, pastor of Holy Family Church in Glendale, Mahony did not notify the police because, “he felt he could offer it (the beating) up in reparation for the sins of others.” Talk about taking one for the team! If the Vatican has an employee of the month, I know who won for July. Any enterprise would want a guy like Roger on their squad. Mahony’s not only willing to obfuscate (high class lie), stonewall (buy time while you think up a lie), lie (low-class obfuscation), or simply malign the victims of his callous indifference to the sexual molestation of children, he’s even willing to take a street thumping for the cause. There seems to be a special irony that Mahony chose not to report this crime to the LAPD. The cardinal is one of the most vocal supporters of amnesty for illegal aliens, and a big supporter of Special Order No. 40, the LAPD regulation that prohibits the police from initiating a stop based on suspicion of an immigration violation. The defenders of Order No. 40 say this allows crime victims to help the police catch violent criminals without fear of deportation. Maybe Mahony’s afraid he’ll be deported. Apparently, he’s not worried the enraged psycho who attacked him will attack someone else. Of course, he also wasn’t worried Father Michael Baker, a confessed child molester, would molest again. You have to give Mahony points for consistency. If the cardinal has been physically assaulted, I feel bad. Nobody should be attacked in body. However, trying to portray his suffering as a Christ-like sacrifice to absolve his reign as bishop and archbishop of the crimes committed against children and against the reputation of the Catholic Church itself is yet another insult. What justice has asked of Mahony from the beginning he still denies – a truthful, public, and complete account of what he knew, when he knew it, and his resignation. The cardinal’s retirement is the correct absolution, not his beating. Doug McIntyre hosts the “McIntyre in the Morning” program on Talk Radio 790 KABC, weekdays from 5 to 9 a.m.160Want local news?Sign up for the Localist and stay informed Something went wrong. Please try again.subscribeCongratulations! You’re all set!